Does the silence get lonely?

Well I wish there was someone
Well I wish there was someone
To love me

When I used to be someone
And I knew there was someone
That loved me

As I sit here frozen alone
Even ghosts get tired and go home
As they crawl back under the stones

And I wish there was something
Please tell me there’s something better
And I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

And I wish I could feel it
And I wish I could steal it
Abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can
it’s just saturated loneliness

Does the silence get lonely?
Does the silence get lonely?
Who knows?
I’ve been hearing it tell me
I’ve been hearing it tell me
Go home

Cause the freaks are playing tonight
They packed up and turned out the lights

And I wish there was something
Please tell me there’s something better
And I wish there was something more than this
Saturated loneliness

And I wish I could feel it
And I wish I could steal it
Abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can
It’s just saturated loneliness

And the bath waters cold
And this life’s getting old

And I wish I could feel it
And I wish I could feel it
And I wish I could steal it
Abduct it, corrupt it
And I wish I could feel it
And I wish I could steal it
And I wish I could feel it
Abduct it, corrupt it
But I never can
I never can
Never Can
Never Can
Never Can

Korn – Tearjerker

KoRn – Tearjerker (unedited)

Watch this video on YouTube.

I don’t want to hear about flowers, I like death and destruction

I can’t stand to let them win, I’m just watching them, And I don’t know what to do, Feeling like a fool inside, Feeling all the hurt… Thought they were my friends. Never mind…

Let’s talk about something else, What super-power you wished in your life to have? I mean something like Time-travel, going invisible, mind-reading, unlimited body strength etc.., Mine is going invisible, always I wished I could be like that, going invisible and see so much things that I never can see and hear now. Going invisible and see what people say about me when I’m not there, going and invisible and then go into peoples life to see how much different they when they are alone in compare to when they are with us, going invisible and then go beyond the allowed borders to see what’s in the other side that we are not allowed to see, going invisible to get rid of all of the eyes watching me.

But no! That does not work for what I want, I want to know what people really think of me, always I wished I could find out when someone stay in front me what he is thinking at the moment, Why we cannot find that? When they are looking at me what’s going on their mind, when I’m talking to them what they are thinking of? What’s their view of me? If they like me what they like about me? If they dislike me what they dislike about me? When I’m talking to them, are they enjoying or I’m boring, So, I think I have to choose Mind-Reading! (Like all options are all available and I have to choose the one I want!)

Often I hear positive compliment when people are talking to me, messaging me, commenting etc.. but then I hear some other things from other ways that show people are not honest when talking to me, that’s just one reason I want above super-power, the other reason is that… umm… let’s say make myself a better person, at least in eyes of some special people to be happy with me.

So, What’s your favorite super-power? and why you wish that?

This Depression is Great

They told me look at everything positive, so I’m gonna do it: “This Depression is Great!”

I believe many of the solutions advised by psychologist out there is kind of “fooling oneself” fooling and fooling, so many stupid things in a row to do best phantasy to make hell look beautiful for the person and make him believe everything is cool and be happy while he is in hell!, that’s the reason I never wanted meet one of them, they don’t know anything about your life and then they want to decide about your life and saying what’s right and what not.

Some people live in the world they are not invited to, they live and get old and die in the end, no! They don’t live, they stay alive for while, maybe 60-70 years, they are alive and they are not living, act of living is a mix of good and bad things together, not a dark world full of pain, spending a life in such world is not living, its staying alive.

What’s up with us? What are we doing? Where we are going? What we have done?

Really how many times you have think about point of your living? Why you are born, what you are supposed to do and what you have done and what you will do?, Have you had fair answer for that? Then lucky you!

After lots of thinking about that I got no positive answer about that, I was born, reached a special age and now what? Looking at my life logically will make you believe I’m in the group of those who are just alive and not living and don’t have a bright future.

I know if you have read my older posts and now reading this one you will say “AH! again Omid is saying these…..”. Yup, that’s what I hate, to be such a boring person or if not boring, being a pain for friends to take care of. I tried to finish it, worked on myself to end it up, but I weak, very weak, I could not, I could not end it up, even that I’m tired of myself I could not, I never could do any of the stuff I want to do, I could not end up my pain, I could not earn what I want, I could get one who I want, I could not show who I am, I could not do what I want. So how I can have a better view of my life?

I don’t want to lie anymore to anyone, so when I’m so down and people ask me “How are you?” I won’t answer I’m fine, but damn! I’m not going tell everyone in everything greeting Hey I’m dying inside!, so I just shut my mouth, how long? I don’t know! as long that I’m this way and as long I waste the oxygen on earth!

I’ve never been lucky in my life, yeah really, or maybe not and it was my weakness, I never could express what’s in my mind, what’s in my heart, who I am and what I want to say, I’ve never been free, Always I lost the battle against those who were less than me.

People who I loved always thought of me as a cold hearted and ignoring person when even seeing them happy or being with them in crowd make me happy, tech guys always thought of as an amateur when I bet I knew more than them just I had not equipment to show them who I am, Family always thought of as a stupid person but it was that my world is bigger than theirs and their closed mind cannot understand it and I believe I’m not wrong because I’ve seen real humans that believe me.

I’m tired of “proving” myself, How much fight, how much killing time, I want to live, I don’t want to just being alive, I want to live or die. I don’t have much hope in my future so second option look better, just need find a way for that…