What I have, and am busy with

Hey Folks

Maybe you have noticed that I’ve been less active here in my forum and there are some reasons for that!

Over last 2 months (or maybe 3) I’ve been busy with several stuff and on top of them with my website, so here is what I’ve done so far or what I am going to do:

  • I got my own hosting. [Done]
  • Moved my website from Google Sites to my own hosting. [In Progress – some pages are left to move, some out-dated content]
  • Moved TechBlog from Blogger to my own hosting. [Done]
  • Moved LifeBlog (yeah, you are reading it now!) from Blogger to my own hosting. [Done]
  • Moved EntBlog from WordPress to my own hosting and started posting again after years. [Done]
  • Moved Forum to my own hosting. [In Progress – needs a new look, need to link accounts with QnA]
  • Started QnA. [In Progress – needs a new look, need to link accounts with forum]
  • Started Support Center with Email Piping support. [Done]
  • Translating the site into Persian [My native language]. [In Progress – 150 pages are left]
  • Translating the site into German. [To-do]

It is not easy to move from one to another platform without losing contents to without breaking links, so I had to do so much coding and writing lots of custom scripts to extract old contents and import them into new platforms. Also even though I’m done moving blogs or sites or starting the new systems, still there are a lot of under-the-hood changes and works that should be done. e.g. Forum needs a new look to match the new site theme, QnA too, oh, and since I’m hosting the blogs and site etc myself, I need to make sure my sites are secure, stable and fast and those maintenance needs time too. And I don’t have a team, so working on all of these stuff needs time.

That’s not all, recently I’ve started developing 2 new Windows based applications, one of them is a new download manager that works different than common Download Managers that download files directly from source (This is something totally new), the other program is a tool that’s going to help me with offer a better customer service, it’s a tool that run in the customers PC and collect the information I need, extract logs, read the user settings, take screenshots and save all of them into a single file prepared for sending me, and give user 2 options if they want to send the file to me themselves or let the program upload it Support Center and Open a New Ticket for them. Developments of both of these programs are in progress and I’m in middle of both of them, first program (Download Manager) needs lots of coding in server side too.

  • Developing “Download Manager”. [In Progress – ~50% done]
  • Developing “Support Collector”. [In Progress – ~10% done]

So what I’m trying to do is split my time between all of these projects and my own personal life, while I’ve other stuff to do, like my language class, meeting friends, my customers, sleeping, eating, bath, Shopping, spending time with family, reading, social networks and forums and…

http://vimeo.com/14896692

I hope now you understand why sometimes I reply your emails a bit late or if I cannot spend time online like before.

Cheers!

And “A2” is passed

passfail-small[10]Talking of German class, A2 is passed too and I will be heading to B1 in next 2 weeks.

These 2 classes in A2 (A2.1 and A2.2) had lots of memories for me, meeting good people, getting to know a really good man as teacher and…

I never had this much happiness, sadness, stress, changes etc. in any era of my life, I’ve had lots of good memories from my first class but I can say A2 were more “living” with all the surrounding stories it had. Stuff that changed many things for me, and these changes cannot be undone, and I don’t want them to be undone. I will play it, I will take it and deal with it. Let’s see what happens.

Ok, Now you may ask about the code-names I used for A1, A2, B1 and higher, They refer to the European Framework (CEF) of Reference for Languages. A1 and A2 are Basic Users:

A1:

Can understand and use familiar everyday expressions and very basic phrases aimed at the satisfaction of needs of a concrete type. Can introduce him/herself and others and can ask and answer questions about personal details such as where he/she lives, people he/she knows and things he/she has. Can interact in a simple way provided the other person talks slowly and clearly and is prepared to help.

A2:

Can understand sentences and frequently used expressions related to areas of most immediate relevance (e.g. very basic personal and family information, shopping, local geography, employment). Can communicate in simple and routine tasks requiring a simple and direct exchange of information on familiar and routine matters. Can describe in simple terms aspects of his/her background, immediate environment and matters in areas of immediate need.

And I’m gonna start B1 (Independent User):

Can understand the main points of clear standard input on familiar matters regularly encountered in work, school, leisure, etc. Can deal with most situations likely to arise whilst travelling in an area where the language is spoken. Can produce simple connected text on topics which are familiar or of personal interest. Can describe experiences and events, dreams, hopes & ambitions and briefly give reasons and explanations for opinions and plans.

Depeche Mode – Suffer Well (Video)

Watch this video on YouTube.

New toys to listen music even better

Hey Folks

I’m back with some new toys to listen music even better, here we go:

Creative Sound Blaster X-Fi Surround 5.1 Pro USB Sound Card

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A USB Sound Card, better audio quality than internal sound card of computer (24-bit/96kHz) with a handy volume control on top. Since it connects to computer via a USB cable I can have it on my desk so connecting headphone or microphone to it is much easier too. It allow you to connect your speaker, microphone, aux and headphone all in same time.

Philips SHE9800 Noise Isolating Earphones

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I cannot say if this is best or worst earphone I ever had, this earphone deliver a unique sound quality, not deepest bass nor highest high sounds, expect a sharp and high quality sound from this earphone, I would enjoy a bit more bass but when I hear full range and sharp audio quality of that, it satisfy me.
This earphone comes with a carry bag that is very useful. It works very well with both my USB Sound Card and my MP3-Player.

Cheers!
-Omid

A day in my life

Ding diding diding ding… Mobile phone’s alarm wake me up, It’s 8 AM again and it’s not either Thursday or Friday otherwise he would let me sleep a bit more, with closed eyes I look for the mobile beside my bed to find it and stop the alarm, I pick it up and drag that red button to stop the alarm, let’s take a look what happened in the last 4-5 hours that I’ve been sleeping, any text message or email? Hmmm, nothing important as expected just some social networks notifications and promotional email and no text message, what do I expect this early when during the day I get nothing?

I sit in my bed, no move for a few moments, like a computer which when you turn on you have to wait for it to boot up!, then stand up and plug my phone to charger, these new fancy phones run out of battery quickly, God bless the old one I had, at most I had to charge it once a week!!

Head to the bathroom, really there are no better place for us to start our day in? hmm, spend a few minutes in there for stuff and then going in front of window, wash the face and hand and stare in mirror a few second and think about what you have to do today, after a few moments I realize these bothersome hair, so called beard, are living on my face again, so I pick the razor and go fight them, kill ‘em all! They had not paid their rent to live on my face… Done! Leave the bathroom and back to my room

It’s about 8:30, open and pick my everyday meds, there are 6, Levothyroxine Sodium 0.1 mg, Atenolol 100, Triamterene-H, Allopurinol 100 mg, Atorvastatin 10, Piracetam 800, pick one from each and go to kitchen, open refrigerator and take the milk and look at its date to see if its expired or not, no it’s ok, close the refrigerator , look for a bowl, throw in some cereal in and add milk to it, take 2 of my meds that are for “before breakfast” and then eat my breakfast, done! It’s about 8:40AM now, now that breakfast is done it’s time to take the other 4 pills.

Back to my room and change clothes, put on my jean, check my keys and wallet and player, Key ring and player in right pocket, mobile in left and wallet in back, carry the headphone wire from my back and connect it to my player and then put on my t-shirt, ready to go.

It’s 8:45 AM Insert the headphone in my ears and turn on the player and pick a good music to start the day with some good energy, a good metal one works, yeah “Wayne Static – Assassins Of Youth”, start walking to bus station, and wait for bus, in a few seconds I see the red bus come, open the doors and I go in, ah, no place to sit, no problem I stand in front of window, after about 30 minutes I leave the bus, It’s 9:15AM now, I go and buy the newspaper, nothing new to read in them but it has become kind of addiction to waste this money every morning.

Throw the newspaper in my bag and start walking to the store, I know it should not take more than 10 minutes if I go with my everyday speed, about 6Km/h, yeah I see same faces as I see this time of day every day.

It’s 9:30AM and I’m in front of the shopping center where our store is in, turn off the player and help my headphones to leave my ear and back under my shirt. Go up from stairs and stay in front of store, open the door and turn on the lights and sit and read the newspaper I bought, yeah as I expected nothing exciting.

After a few minutes, near 10:00AM phone begun ringing, one after one, some are customer and some are creditor, answer them all and wait for a good customer with a big bag of money and make me rich! He has never come and I don’t think if he will! Our neighbor co-workers come and open their store too, one has his launch in his bag and other one come with newspaper and some other come with empty hands, I still read the newspaper and answer their “Hello” without looking at them because they shoot their hello while running, they won’t notice if I had looked at them or not!

It’s about 10:15 and my father arrives too, he seems like on the run as always for nothing, he pick the phone and start making calls…

Well, life at store goes on and on until 12:00AM, time to back to home for me, today I must go to my language school, Goethe Institute, pick my money for today and welcome back the headphones to ear, turn on player and back to bus station to back home, while sitting in the bus I send a text message to my favorite classmate to see when she will come to the institute today, hoping she will say she will come soon!

It’s about 12:45-1:00PM, open the door and try to guess today’s launch by smelling it, headphones back under shirt! Seems Headphone position is most important thing in my life. After greeting mom and getting today’s news from her I ask for launch, while the table is getting ready for me I come to my room and take a look on Facebook and my emails to see what I’ve to response to until I hear my mom calling “come for launch” I eat the launch and back to room check my bag to see if I’ve everything for language class ready.

Ok, time to leave home again, it’s around 2:00AM and my class is one hour away from home and my class begins on 4:00 but I go one hour early to spend some time with my classmates, especially with special one!

I go to bus station again, go with the bus to same station that I went this morning, but this time I won’t go to store, I go to other side of street and go underground, to Metro.

It’s 2:30PM and I wait for Metro to arrive, it does not take so long for metro to arrive, and I go in and look for a good spot to stand, I should stand about 25 minutes in there so I need a good place! After about 25 minutes I leave the metro and back to the street, I’ve 5-6 Minutes walking ahead until I reach the institute.

It’s 3:00PM and I’m in there, I look around to see if there are any familiar face around, anyone that I know or any of my classmates or my special classmate, nope, I’m alone! None of them are here yet so I sit there and watching the door to see who comes in and who goes out, after about 5 minutes she comes, makes me smile and feeling better, after about 20-30 minutes some other come one by one too, until 4:00PM most of them are here and yeah, some other comes a bit late, they have their own reason!

At 4:00PM we go to school waiting for our teacher, she comes in 5 minutes and start, as always I’m sitting on first chair, I like being close to the teacher, my other friend sit next to me and she sit other side of class in front of me.

Hopping our teacher won’t start with homework because I don’t like to read my text but she did, but good thing she did not ask me to read my text, 2 other read their text and our teacher got our texts to check later. Class is good for first few minutes but after a half hour I feel like my head is becoming hot and so does my ears and eyes, class is not boring so what’s the problem? I don’t know, in the last few minutes of class clocks start ticking out way more slowly! But anyway it’s now 5:30PM and finish! We are free again!

Me, my friend and my special classmate get together going back home, we share same way for going back home, metro, so we 3 start walking to metro and talk about everything, we get to metro and metro start, after a few minutes first one leave, my special classmate and then after about 5 minutes the next one leave too, my other friend, he need to change the metro because he goes to west and I go to east and after 3 stations I leave the metro too, I need to change it, I change the metro and once my friend leave I turn on player and welcome headphones to my ear, I need a good hard rock song, “Korn – Falling Away From Me”. After about 20 Minutes I leave the metro. I can go the rest from here to home with taxi or go walking. Taxi will be just 4-5 minutes and walking about 25 minutes, I like the current playlist (Static-x) in my player so I will go walking, I don’t want to stop the song. I see same stores and people as I do every day here. Same people doing their everyday routine, I pick my phone and start calling some friends, saying hi to old friends once a week and talking to each of them a few minutes.

It’s about 7:35-7:40PM and I’m near home, go to store and buy milk for tomorrow morning, head against home and after about 5 minutes I’m home. Open the door and start guessing the dinner! I go in and say Hi to mom and sister; I don’t see my father’s shoes so he is not home yet, good.

I put the milk in refrigerator and go to my room, throw the bag beside my computer table and change clothes to be more free, go to bathroom to wash hands and face and cool down a bit, back to kitchen to see what’s left from launch before dinner get ready! Nothing, bummer, well a cup of coffee helps too.

Back to my room with coffee and open my laptop and see what’s going on cyber world, plug my mobile to charger and via laptop take a look at Facebook, emails, forums, my blog comments etc. and say Hi to my online friends in messenger while I listen music, now without headphones!

After wasting some time on these stuff after about 1-2 hours father comes home and that mean its dinner time! I wait for dinner table to get prepared and then leave my room for dinner, I go a bit careful, because father is there and I don’t want to suddenly start yet another fight, for some weird reason whenever we get close it happens!

Finish the dinner quickly and back to my room, change the playlist from metal songs to something easier, maybe ‘Kirsty Hawkshaw’ or ‘BT’, spend some more time on Facebook and other social networks and talk to friends on the web and then look at my homework from class, finish them by copying from their answers sheet and then back on the web, time to write some blog posts, whether my TechBlog or write something about my life, depending on how I feel, heck! I go writing of my life, writing how I feel at the moment, and trying to don’t care how others will judge me and when they read it, throw a those nonsense words in a post and click on that damned ‘publish’ button which will make my nonsense words public, I don’t care what happens, It’s my own blog and I will write what I want and not what please others.

I play a bit more with my blog and watching stats and comments and responses I get until I get sleepy or I feel it’s getting late and I’ve to sleep, usually it happens between 2:00-3:00AM.

Time to bed, so go brush teeth , back to laptop and say Good night to online friends, close the laptop living it turned on and go to bed, checking my phone if everything is ok. Leave it behind bed, and start thinking, remembering whole day, what I did, who I met, what who said, what I’ve done, what others do, where I will be when, thinking why I had no luck with one I loved and explain myself that I’m born to be alone, thinking how I can make my life better and explain myself there are no better for me, explaining myself I should find a way to get used to my current situation, thinking how I could do what I want and a lot more until I sleep, sleep and sleep until next morning, Ding diding diding ding…, yet another day begin.

Disappear from world

You know, suicide is one of the stuff that I’ve always given a thumb-up to, but every person in this small world has their own reason to stay away from that, one may love his/her life and see no reason for doing that, good for them!, one may afraid of death, one may don’t afraid of death and care about what happens after their death and…

Those people who think about “What happens after I do this” are same people who wish they could disappear from world, thinking wish they could left without having an effect on anyone else, Thinking “Can my mother take it?” or “How my sister will become after hearing this” etc. and the person think wish he/she could leave with his/her memory, clean everyone’s mind from his/her memory so everyone could forget there was such person in this world and then person could left without any memory, it’s about solving his/her own problem not throwing it at someone else, or solve their own problem and give a larger group lots of other problem like depression or ruining their life…

Really why we all are THIS much related to each other, every move from one should have effect on this much other people that even you don’t be able to decide about your own life or death, why we should not be able to control what other people keep about us in their mind?

What are we doing in this world? Are we born to satisfy others in their life or we should have some choice and allowed to live our own life too? How much we should care about others or how much others care about us?

I want, I don’t want

I never could understand those people that afraid everything and everyone, why people don’t live in a normal and easy world? Why take it so hard?

I’m talking of the moment when I respect a boy and he behaves defensive because he thinks I’m looking for his money…

I’m talking of the moment when I respect a man and he behaves defensive because he thinks I’m looking to use his position…

I’m talking of the moment when I respect a girl and he thinks I’m looking for her body…

No, Dear world! Dear folks! People are not same! Dear young man, if one tried to use your money it does not mean your next friend is same, dear gentleman! if one tried to use your position it’s not mean everyone in the world is like that, Dear girl, I don’t blame you for being careful but if one or two or maybe more if you are pretty one only tried to reach to your body by calling themselves your friend, it does not mean every single ‘male’ human is same.

I talk of myself, I’m an easy person, and all that I expect in a friendship is ‘trust’, me trusting you and you trusting me, that way I’m happy, as I said before, I don’t expect much from my friends so I’m way more happy that way. Maybe my close friends have noticed that I even rejected their volunteer helps to me, because I wanted them to stay my friends and don’t let ‘giving service’ to each other affect our friendship, to don’t let them think if I’m their friend for their money or their support or their body or whatever, I only want their friendship, their trust.

It really hurts when I feel I’ve been ignored or not being trusted, even in a situation like when someone needed help and did not ‘trust’ me ask for help, or when they wanted to talk about a very common every day stuff and did not ‘trust’ me for understanding them!; Maybe I should be happy saying Thanks God they did not bother me but no! I don’t think that way.

Open your eyes, this world is too dirty, but not all spot of it.

Unfortunately unforgettable sweet memories

I don’t know if I should be happy or sad, when I remember sweet and beautiful memories which were nice at the moment those days but now they are gone and remembering them hurts.

Yeah it’s kinda weird that why such good memories can hurt, people always look for having good time with good people but when time goes on remembering those good times can be hurting and so you wish you had not those good days to remember them later and hurt yourself, ‘unfortunately unforgettable sweet memories’.

The only thing I understand is what I feel, your forgotten memory and my everyday memories. What every time I sleep I think of, every time I dream I dream about. Where ever I go, whatever I do, everything has a memory of.

I never could understand how good memories can work for someone to make them happy years after, to me it’s something like feeling of losing, different than missing and therefore not a good feeling at all, when I remember those days I wish it never would happen and today I had no reason to…

Life goes on…

I don’t want to hear about flowers, I like death and destruction

I can’t stand to let them win, I’m just watching them, And I don’t know what to do, Feeling like a fool inside, Feeling all the hurt… Thought they were my friends. Never mind…

Let’s talk about something else, What super-power you wished in your life to have? I mean something like Time-travel, going invisible, mind-reading, unlimited body strength etc.., Mine is going invisible, always I wished I could be like that, going invisible and see so much things that I never can see and hear now. Going invisible and see what people say about me when I’m not there, going and invisible and then go into peoples life to see how much different they when they are alone in compare to when they are with us, going invisible and then go beyond the allowed borders to see what’s in the other side that we are not allowed to see, going invisible to get rid of all of the eyes watching me.

But no! That does not work for what I want, I want to know what people really think of me, always I wished I could find out when someone stay in front me what he is thinking at the moment, Why we cannot find that? When they are looking at me what’s going on their mind, when I’m talking to them what they are thinking of? What’s their view of me? If they like me what they like about me? If they dislike me what they dislike about me? When I’m talking to them, are they enjoying or I’m boring, So, I think I have to choose Mind-Reading! (Like all options are all available and I have to choose the one I want!)

Often I hear positive compliment when people are talking to me, messaging me, commenting etc.. but then I hear some other things from other ways that show people are not honest when talking to me, that’s just one reason I want above super-power, the other reason is that… umm… let’s say make myself a better person, at least in eyes of some special people to be happy with me.

So, What’s your favorite super-power? and why you wish that?

This Depression is Great

They told me look at everything positive, so I’m gonna do it: “This Depression is Great!”

I believe many of the solutions advised by psychologist out there is kind of “fooling oneself” fooling and fooling, so many stupid things in a row to do best phantasy to make hell look beautiful for the person and make him believe everything is cool and be happy while he is in hell!, that’s the reason I never wanted meet one of them, they don’t know anything about your life and then they want to decide about your life and saying what’s right and what not.

Some people live in the world they are not invited to, they live and get old and die in the end, no! They don’t live, they stay alive for while, maybe 60-70 years, they are alive and they are not living, act of living is a mix of good and bad things together, not a dark world full of pain, spending a life in such world is not living, its staying alive.

What’s up with us? What are we doing? Where we are going? What we have done?

Really how many times you have think about point of your living? Why you are born, what you are supposed to do and what you have done and what you will do?, Have you had fair answer for that? Then lucky you!

After lots of thinking about that I got no positive answer about that, I was born, reached a special age and now what? Looking at my life logically will make you believe I’m in the group of those who are just alive and not living and don’t have a bright future.

I know if you have read my older posts and now reading this one you will say “AH! again Omid is saying these…..”. Yup, that’s what I hate, to be such a boring person or if not boring, being a pain for friends to take care of. I tried to finish it, worked on myself to end it up, but I weak, very weak, I could not, I could not end it up, even that I’m tired of myself I could not, I never could do any of the stuff I want to do, I could not end up my pain, I could not earn what I want, I could get one who I want, I could not show who I am, I could not do what I want. So how I can have a better view of my life?

I don’t want to lie anymore to anyone, so when I’m so down and people ask me “How are you?” I won’t answer I’m fine, but damn! I’m not going tell everyone in everything greeting Hey I’m dying inside!, so I just shut my mouth, how long? I don’t know! as long that I’m this way and as long I waste the oxygen on earth!

I’ve never been lucky in my life, yeah really, or maybe not and it was my weakness, I never could express what’s in my mind, what’s in my heart, who I am and what I want to say, I’ve never been free, Always I lost the battle against those who were less than me.

People who I loved always thought of me as a cold hearted and ignoring person when even seeing them happy or being with them in crowd make me happy, tech guys always thought of as an amateur when I bet I knew more than them just I had not equipment to show them who I am, Family always thought of as a stupid person but it was that my world is bigger than theirs and their closed mind cannot understand it and I believe I’m not wrong because I’ve seen real humans that believe me.

I’m tired of “proving” myself, How much fight, how much killing time, I want to live, I don’t want to just being alive, I want to live or die. I don’t have much hope in my future so second option look better, just need find a way for that…

Sometimes hate is not enough

I don’t know where to begin, Let’s get help from my friends and start by answering them.

2 friends told me that I’m only talking of negative in my life and then asked me about positive things in my life, ok, that’s a fair question, but need some thinking to find if there are something positive.

Maybe I’m missing many stuff, but I can recall that I have good cyber friends in my life which seems they care about me and it’s a good thing, maybe not all of them are who they claim to be but I’ve some good friends between them. I have a kind mother and a sister, I have a father, even though I have some words about my family. I’ve never been left hungry like the kids in Africa or I’ve never been attacked physically by my family, these are good things, see…! I tried to see positive things in my life.

Ok, so what? Enough to reason to live? I don’t think so, I’ve stronger reason for denying that. Did you ever lost anything in you life? how matter it was for you? How many times you failed in your life? Passing more than half of your life with no good, having no hope for your future, fighting with yourself without any result, loosing all the chances in your life, becoming boring for your best friends, disappointing everyone, watching yourself going down, what’s this? I think accepting it is not wise, hurting self…

People try to help me, but it hurts me when I see how they show love and I disappoint them, I see my friend’s wife tell me that I’m their only friend and when I look at myself I see what a boring and useless friend they have, sad for those who I’m their only friend.

And when you want the best and you get the worst, when you want to be an idealist and your ideal get lower and lower, and when you imagine a bright future for yourself and you end up in… What’s that? Life? pfffff……………..

Marilyn Manson – No Reflection

Watch this video on YouTube.